"This is one of the worst cases of eczema that I’ve seen in a baby…" is clearly what every parent wants to hear. I took Kyler to his 4-month checkup today and those were the words uttered from Doc’s mouth. Well, Crap.
Doc saw him a few weeks ago after we woke to find his face bloody. He had houdini’d out of his swaddle and attacked his face. That wakes you up pretty fast. At that point, Doc thought it was just bad eczema and dry skin with the wonderful Michigan winters. He wasn’t doing an itchy dance yet.
About a week later, he started doing this:
Yep. That’s my poor itchy boy suffering on his changing table. He does this every time his skin is free of clothing. It’s kinda cute, but heartbreaking. No lotions, creams, and ointments have been helping. We still have to keep mittens on him when he’s playing unless it’s 1:1 supervised. Sucks – I want him to feel and touch without thinking everything feels like cotton.
I am mentally preparing to be told that he’s going to have to switch to formula (Doc handed me samples of Nutramigen) because he’s allergic to everything. BUT I am extremely hopeful that I can just change my diet. I will do anything to alleviate his misery, even if it means giving up one of my favorite things about being a mom: providing him with the best nutrition… bonding… ugh. As a stubborn, Type A, and mildly OCD mama, having something else be the reason that I would have to stop nursing rather than it being a decision that I would make, is excruciating. I never had a set length of time that I wanted breastfeed, but I didn’t want it to stop yet.
Heaven forbid the allergist tells us he’s allergic to Rice… freakin’ Asian kid allergic to rice. There are many foods I could give up, even my fave food group: dairy, but I don’t know how I’ll survive without rice. We’re heading to the Hills for Chinese New Year this weekend. Can you imagine explaining that you can’t eat rice to your straight-from-the-motherland Asian parents?
Is it my fault?
Why didn’t I cut out foods a month ago?
Have I been a bad parent?
He wasn’t itchy until I went back to work… did I do something then?
There’s no use going through all of the questions racing through my mind. I feel like all good parents find blame in themselves when something is amiss. Unfortunately, this kid just got dealt with the itchy card and we just have to try our best to manage it. He’s generally a happy baby – VERY happy kid when he’s not trying to rub on something. In the scheme of things, it can be worse, which is why I feel guilty for getting frustrated at times. I just want him to feel comfortable.
My heart goes out to all of the parents of eczema babies and to the babies suffering. I’ve felt helpless and at fault often in dealing with this. I never realized how frustrating it could be until now. I am thankful that he is otherwise healthy, even showing up on the very low percentile for height (10%) and weight (3%). That’s a whole ‘nother worry post. He eats like a champ and Doc commented that he may be burning extra calories with all of this itchy wiggling. Hopefully, there’s nothing else going on that’s keeping him from getting more meaty. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow. Wish us luck.